rose marshack : whyamistillawake.com

Title: The Hybrid and The Phone Chakra
Byline: Rose Marshack
WordCount: 739

I thought I left my cellphone at work, and I knew the battery was dying. I scolded myself for being so disorganized; it all started with the Smart Key for the Hybrid Car. The Smart Key doesn’t have to be inserted into the Car in order for it to open or drive. It only has to be in the Vicinity of the Car.

So think about how incredibly convenient this is; and especially if you know that the Hybrid Car only has an On/Off button, no key necessary, no ignition. Anyone can press the On/Off button to start the car. And, it is so incredibly satisfying to power down your car after the trip down the block to the corner store!

The Toddler especially notices the convenience; it is much easier for him to start the car and attempt to drive it to the Ice Cream Place or The Library, his favorite places. He is pretty good with On/Off switches and having keys In A Vicinity.

So since I don’t have to ever touch my key, I forget about where it is. Once I forget where one thing is, I try to trade that area in my mind with forgetting something else so I can get back the original forgot, but it never works.

So I thought about my cellphone and how it was at work all night, probably beeping that sad dying Tamagotchi (electronic pet that you have to “feed” by pressing buttons) noise, and how leaving it probably meant that I wished I was still at work. I have this problem where I assign human emotions to inanimate objects. I had to tell myself that I was silly for thinking my cellphone was crying. I do remember when my Tamagotchi died though; I was in Dallas TX and I was very sick and we were on tour and it was morning and the little electronic octave whined for food but I just needed to sleep just a little bit longer… I was so sick. And when I woke up there was a little 8-bit angel flying on the 32×32 pixel screen. I looked at the pre-Husband and I started bawling my guts out. I was only 33 and I had killed my Tamagotchi.

I wake up the next morning (we’re back to the present now) and I’m driving the car to work. And I hear a muffled little 8th. My cellphone is nowhere on my body but I can hear its last dying beeps, and they are REAL, BEEP-beep. The phone has to be somewhere in back of the Hybrid. BEEP-beep. Now the beeps sound so close and so muffled and so real that I am sure they are emanating from my lower abdomen. My OWN BODY! Now, I have nothing else to think so I think “Uh-oh: Chakra!” This definitely seems like a New Age Thing, the phone beep emanation from the lumbar plexus. I looked up Chakras in my internet, and the dotted human picture says that the my lower abdomen houses the Orange (or Spleen) Chakra. In this day and age, I decide, this probably means that the Orange Chakra maybe should be renamed the Cellphone Chakra. My internet says this part of my body is associated with gonads, reproduction, and especially, ‘parts of the consciousness that is concerned with food and sex. It is about the body’s communication to the Being inside about what the body wants and needs, and what it finds pleasurable.’ This seems accurate to me because I always use my cellphone to dial for pizza and also for The Husband.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this part of my body and how it’s been getting bigger. The day of the Missing Phone, I saw a magazine in the Supermarket which informed me that if my stomach was getting bigger, I could look at the shape of the new augmentation and find out which of my glands was at fault. According to this magazine, since my lower abdomen is getting rounder and flabbier, it is because my Fight or Flight System is overactivated. My body is storing fat there to protect me from being Killed In The Jungle because my mind is in a permanent state of Hectic Rush; pumping adrenaline. The magazine told me to relax and stop eating so much and eat more limes.

I wonder what the other Chakras could be remapped to.