rose marshack : whyamistillawake.com

Yesterday was my last day at UIUC. It was very, very strange. Most of the people whom I probably would have cried hugging goodbye left before I had to hug them goodbye and cry. Anyway I left my Chris Schneberger Viewmaster Series Art there so I need to pick that up at some point.

It feels very, very weird to not have any responsibilities right now, so I decided to find a couple of other ones. I rode my bike to get The Toddler to daycare this morning. I thought a bit about what a slacker mom I am to put him in daycare instead of having him here in the house with me.. for a couple of minutes, and then I smiled. I don’t have that guilt. Gram’s with a bunch of his friends with teachers who are teaching him 3-year old things, and he’s got his music class at school today, which he loves. There was always a twinge of guilt for me, dropping him off there instead of doing what my mom did and raising me at home. But I know life is better for all of us this way. I’m not geared for daycare of a 3-year old. At his school he’ll smear shaving cream all over himself, play with sand made with coffee-grounds and corn starch in a giant blue tub, play at the Water Table… I don’t have those things here. I also don’t have 10 other 3 year olds for him to be with.

I will soon buy a membership to our local food co-op, even if it’s scary and hard to get there. You worry you’ll do something wrong, like wear a leather belt or park in the wrong spot or wear too many diamonds or something like that. Then you look at the produce and wonder, does it look like crap because it’s healthier for me and isn’t painted store-chemical red, or does it look like crap because it’s actually rotten?

But I’m shopping there for eggs because they are from Arthur, IL, and mostly, because I don’t have to keep buying more egg cartons and throwing them away. If I have to throw away another egg carton, I’m going to buy a chicken. The egg cartons and the frigging peanut butter jars are making me crazy. The co-op has a giant tub of peanut butter that you can bring your own jar for, and use. At least there are two packagings that I don’t have to have anymore.

I think this is enough. Time to go drive my car to the workout place and run on a machine.

Then we’ll get in line for the Iphone. Fashionably late, but not too fashionably late of course.