rose marshack : whyamistillawake.com

I am on hiatus from writing for Smile Politely; I have a column there called “Building a Sustainable Baby” - I really enjoy writing there but feel constrained; they want mommy columns and I don’t always feel like writing about being a mommy. I have so many other things I do and I like to do them very emphatically. So sometimes I have stuff to say that isn’t related to being a mom.

Speaking of being a mom, I had unprotected sex once this year and got pregnant. I think it’s pretty funny, seeing as though it was so hard to get pregnant the first time around. So I basically have this alien life form (like the movie Alien) bouncing around in my stomach right now. 32 weeks.

I have gestational diabetes again and am shooting up insulin, just like last pregnancy. The shots don’t hurt so much but the diet does. I feel a lot more resistant this time to keeping under 15 / 30 / 45 carbs per breakfast, lunch, dinner. I have eaten eggs and one piece of toast every morning for at least a month now. I don’t really like eggs. And I’ve had to eat meat, too. If I don’t, my blood sugars go nuts. So I eat meat and then get terrible stomach-aches. The tofu and seitan do not cut it; chicken has so much more protein per oz.

I try to detect whether or not I can feel anything when I shoot insulin into my stomach, but I do not feel anything. One morning I messed up and was too low (56) but I just felt shaky and out of it. I went down and made myself my eggs. Another couple of times I’ve been in the low 70s or upper 60s but I just feel bad when that happens. I think ideally you’re supposed to be between 80 and 100.

The economy is scaring my friends into thinking their going to lose their jobs. For some reason I feel very safe in mine. And I do absolutely love it.